hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
