My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
