hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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