we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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