Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
