I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
