dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
