i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
