is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
