So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
