How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
