it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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