do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
