so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this just has baby written all over it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
