Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
