DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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