Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
