just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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