i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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