Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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