I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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