I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
