I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
