The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He kissed a someone with a penis
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
