Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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