I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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