when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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