peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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