What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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