Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
