I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
