My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
