That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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