If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
