i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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