Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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