At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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