i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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