i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
