I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize