the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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