I need to stop coming to work sober
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
