So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
