i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
