I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
