I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
