apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
