I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
