Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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