i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
