you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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