Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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