i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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