Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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