so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
