I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
