My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
