Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
