Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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